帮我改这篇文章...我的第一篇雅思作文Various skills needed in all workplaces have been generally aware mainly over in school and society retro for long back from two decades ago.However,most of us usually succeed in his/her career on hi

帮我改这篇文章...我的第一篇雅思作文Various skills needed in all workplaces have been generally aware mainly over in school and society retro for long back from two decades ago.However,most of us usually succeed in his/her career on hi
帮我改这篇文章...我的第一篇雅思作文
Various skills needed in all workplaces have been generally aware mainly over in school and society retro for long back from two decades ago.However,most of us usually succeed in his/her career on his/her major career study.We have seen throughout our friends or by our experience all the way to realize that it is a fundamental and vital role as well that self-reliance in your career.
All job skills or academic techniques,whether it is inferior or superior,all need to have the ability to tackle some problems without any assistance.
In school,self-study and independent learning can render you improve your thinking ability.Only by self-thinking the methods in which we learn from our teacher can make a progress.For instance,if someone can solve mathematics problems which are extremely difficult by oneself,he or she has a boundless potential to solve other arduous problems in the test and get high credits.
In the society,it is also equally common place that more independent capability you have,more easily for you to stand out in the numerous people.Moreover,it goes without saying,therefore,that if people have a good ability to handle everything by themselves,they may have the chance to gain a senior position even an executive.
To one word,what is important to remember is that wherever you go,self-reliance is always needed in the world.
这篇的题目是:What is ONE important skill a person should develop in order to achieve economic OR academic success?Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.
我只懂简单的作文,不懂怎样把一句句子弄得漂亮一点.第一段还是有人帮我改过了,请你们把其它的改漂亮一点

帮我改这篇文章...我的第一篇雅思作文Various skills needed in all workplaces have been generally aware mainly over in school and society retro for long back from two decades ago.However,most of us usually succeed in his/her career on hi
1.第二段那句话,“whether it is inferior or superior,all need to have”最好改成“whether inferior or superior,need”.因为这句话的主于是skill和technique,而不是从事这些工作的人
2.第三段第二句,“Only by self-thinking the methods in which we learn from our teacher can make a progress”,缺主语,建议在teacher和can之间加we,同时,learn改为过去式形式,learnt
3.倒数第二段开头,两种选择,一是“The society is also an equally common place where the more independent capability you have,the more easily it is for you to stand out in the numerous people”,二是“In the society,it is also equally common that the more independent capability you have,the more easily it is for you to stand out in the numerous people”
4.it goes without saying后面的therefore不要了吧,和前面的moreover有点重复
这篇文章已经不错了,挺有希望得六分的