急寻英语四人搞笑话剧

急寻英语四人搞笑话剧
急寻英语四人搞笑话剧

急寻英语四人搞笑话剧
话剧《荆轲刺秦王》
静静(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
凌云（上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? 艳君(幕后)：It’s you, Prince Dan!（凌云高兴状) Thank you mirror! But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
岑(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
凌云：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
岑：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
凌云：Oh yeah~~~. Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
岑：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
凌云：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
岑：Yes.
Action II
《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐（岑放音乐）
鑫鑫Are you Li mochou?
艳君Yes.I am.And I am the best killer in the world.No one could beat me. So far ,I have already completed a number of assassination mission perfectly...(向太子丹）so if you chose me , I promise to not let you down!
鑫鑫OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁Hey,guy.Are you challenging me?You know that I am a very cold person...,so you must be careful, I will not be lenient.
艳君：and I will not be responsible to you……
鑫鑫so do I.（ 耸耸肩表示同意）
李莫愁OK!Come on!
岑 one ,two ,three,action!
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,两刀砍死你啊.
艳君倒地
鑫鑫大笑
艳君痛苦状：I'm dreaming? What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
鑫鑫: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么,不需要么,需要么?）
艳君：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right. I always think I'm the best killer ……I was so excellent ……
鑫鑫再次大笑
艳君：Now I finally understand. The Big world, full of wonders.But, it was already too late.（不甘状）No !it 's not the true,I'm the best in the world……
艳君：（向太子丹）You must be regret it……(被拖下去）
上（抱拳）：How are you?
鑫鑫：Fine, thank you, and you?
凌云：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
鑫鑫：Sure!
凌云：How are you?
鑫鑫：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
凌云无语
凌云：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
鑫鑫：Oh, I’m kidding too!
鑫鑫：I am busy now!
岑：Hero,we need your help.
凌云：You can get a lot of money.
鑫鑫：I am very busy now!
岑：IC, ID, IQ card?
鑫鑫：I am very very busy now!
岑(手指上场的美女,激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
鑫鑫（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy girl, but TCM is my only love!
岑：What? What’s the TCM?
鑫鑫; Hey, guy! Why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
岑：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
静（观众甲）：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
凌云：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
鑫鑫（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
岑：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?
（《No matter》（艳君放音乐）,荆轲先与阿三跳探戈,拥入怀中,又甩出去,阿三做呕吐状.
鑫鑫(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
凌云与岑（撞胯,击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）（艳君放音乐）
鑫鑫挽着永霞,凌云,岑在后.
岑：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
鑫鑫：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
凌云：I will miss you, baby.
（凌云,岑下.停顿.《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起（艳君放音乐）,鑫鑫与永霞做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型,忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过,向荆轲抛媚眼,并抛下定情手绢.荆轲高兴的盯着美女看,妻子发觉不对,扭过头来.）
鑫鑫（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
永霞：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world! I can not live without you!
鑫鑫(流泪) ：Dear,I love you more.
永霞：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you forever.Don not worry about me.
鑫鑫（欲走还留,执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... . that you will never give up... no matter what happens... promise me now, and never let go of that promis.
永霞:"I promise."
鑫鑫:"Never let go. “
永霞:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."I believe you will come back soon.
鑫鑫上船,渐渐远去
永霞：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
永霞(掏出手机拨号,岑接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
岑：Okay okay!
静静：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
艳君飘上：(面向观众）Hey,it's really a pity ! Is not it ?I have said they must be regret it! So I'm the best killer in the world...I have had enough cruel! Enough vicious!And the most important thing is I will not be the beauty of the temptation.
静 :what!Who are you?How do you appear here?What do you want to do ?(护住自己）
艳君：You only need to know that if the killer is me,you'd be dead !