请英文老师看雅思的作文,thankstask 2 in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. discuss the advantage and disadvantage for young people who deci

请英文老师看雅思的作文,thankstask 2 in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. discuss the advantage and disadvantage for young people who deci
请英文老师看雅思的作文,thanks
task 2 in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. discuss the advantage and disadvantage for young people who decide to do this.
In many nations,young people who are just graduated from high middle school are stimulated to work or travel during a year before coming to college.
l consider that the young man having a year time of traveling or working between finishing high school crouses and starting university studies is a great chance to find a new way which they absolutely love to live on.Afterall,except studing in college ,there are many lifestyle that the people can alternate .such as to be worker or housewife.otherwise , working before going to university enable young people to choose which major they really want to learn in university and which crouse can help they to find
the job to which they look forword after they certificated by their unniversity.
subsequently, traveling during this time is a good way to release the stress of the young people who just experienced a series of strict and difficulty examinations.meanwhile,having a journal during this time is exactly wonderful to enjoy the trip, becouse, people at this phase have no stress to earn money to adopt themselvies.and travel can also expand one's borizon.
in other hand, taveling or working for one year before studying in university may lose the interst in studying of young people,becouse study is not easy and not fit everboby.in addition,traveling and working by themsleves is to young to this people who are merely 18 or17 years old,and need more teachers' or parents'guide to integrate into this social.in fact, we can see the information about young workers murdered by defenders pressed by media on newspaper or web pages evertime.
consequently,whatever the result of good or bad of traveling or working during this time we determined must obey the young people' own opinion.because no one can realise them by themselves.to them, an advise is enough.
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请英文老师看雅思的作文,thankstask 2 in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. discuss the advantage and disadvantage for young people who deci
1 I personally think that having a break between university graduation and working life is better as the individual is more mature.
2 Anyway, you get all your points in pros and cons addressed. However, the points should be organised in such a way it is more coherence and easier to read and understood by the reader/marker.
3 One point, I do not understand is, are you asking the student to co-habitate during the one year break to become housewife?
4 stimulated to work or travel, may be motivated to work or travel is better
5 you had use words like stimulated, subsequently, meanwhile, consequently. I think you used for the sake of using and end up they just do not fit into the sentences.
6 adopt themselvies, write, for personal maintenance
7 you tried to write as much as possible, but your sentence structure is 'broken'. You must write in such a way that when the reader reads it, it is 'smooth' and coherent. This is especially in paragraph, ' In other hand,.‘ I find this paragraph very messy.

Final coment； I am not sure what level you are writing at? CET8? or English teacher standard? If yes, your standard is below par.